My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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