highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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