The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize