had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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