I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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