vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
