I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
