can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
