I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
