I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
