dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
