DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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