I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
