The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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