I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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