omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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