The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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