Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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