The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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