How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
