I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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