and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
