9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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