If that was your dad, he is hot
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Everyone says I win the strip club
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
