You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
