Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
