someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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