I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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