sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
