WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
