I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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