he shaved USA in his pubs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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