The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
