I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
