I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
