either way he was missing a nipple.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
