I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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