Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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