new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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