The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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