Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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