It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
