My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
