Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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