If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I am morally bankrupt
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
