your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
