I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
