I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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