Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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