Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
