The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
