Yo dont text me then not text me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize