i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize