It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
