I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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