Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
