i need an iv and a liver transplant
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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