so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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