seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
