i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
