i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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