Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
